Planting Seeds of Influence
A few months ago, a good friend who is also a coach asked if I’d join him in a free coaching course. The course was only being offered to groups of 3 coaches at a time, not individuals. He sold the idea extremely well - called me on the phone, spent several minutes describing the insightfulness of the framework, and genuinely expressed why he felt we could both benefit from taking the course together. He did and said all the right things.
But at the time, I was deeply embedded in some other projects, and didn’t think I would have time for anything else. In fact, I probably made my decision to say no a minute or two into our conversation.
In the month that followed, while my friend took the course without me, I had two separate clients bring up that same framework. Naturally, I felt regret that I hadn’t signed up for the course when I’d had the chance. And so, last month, when I was suddenly presented with the opportunity to take it again, I jumped at it
Only now, the roles were reversed. I reached out to some 10 coach friends asking if they’d like to form a pod with me, and began hearing “no” after “no.” After the most recent rejection, I caught myself thinking, in a fit of self-pity, “Why don’t they want to do this course with me? It’s such a minimal time commitment and it’s free, this should be a no-brainer!” That’s when my hypocrisy dawned on me.
When my friend had reached out to me about the course, my decision had had nothing to do with him - I was simply not receptive to the idea because I had other things on my mind. I had to experience the pain of not knowing the framework before the course’s benefit became relevant to me, and outweighed the time investment. The timing had to be right for the idea to click.
Many of the leaders I work with want to influence their peers, managers and teams to adopt new ideas. They pour their heart and soul into painting an elaborate vision through detailed documents or gorgeous slides, and share it out expecting enthusiasm and support. But instead, they meet resistance (or in some cases, crickets).
It’s easy to take the response personally, especially when we want to see an idea succeed. But the truth is that resistance often has very little to do with us. It’s simply a sign that the other person is not ready for the change because they haven’t fully understood or experienced the pain of the status quo in the way we have. Or, perhaps they are simply too overwhelmed and distracted to have noticed it.
All we can do is plant the seed of an idea, and water it with trust and curiosity. It will sprout when it’s ready.
