Navigating Conflicts as a Manager
Workplace conflicts are inevitable, but how we process our emotions determines whether these challenges become opportunities for growth or sources of prolonged stress.
I faced a classic leadership challenge that taught me valuable lessons about managing teams. The situation seemed straightforward enough: I needed to assign a critical project and chose someone with specific domain expertise instead of following our usual ownership patterns. What unfolded next revealed how deeply technical decisions intertwine with team dynamics.
The overlooked team member's reaction was immediate—frustration bubbled up through Slack messages, with subtle hints about perceived favoritism. This could have spiraled into a major team issue, but I've learned that these moments are opportunities to strengthen team cohesion rather than let it fracture.
In that moment, I was reminded why managing isn't just about making decisions – it's about understanding the ripple effects those decisions create in the workplace.
Creating Space for Dialog
When the upset engineer requested a sync, my first instinct was to dive into technical justification – explain the architecture requirements, timeline constraints, all the logical pieces. Instead, I remembered my own experiences of feeling overlooked and took a breath. I opened with: "I can see this decision has impacted you deeply, Would you be open to sharing your perspective over coffee?"
Building Trust Through Transparency
During our 1:1, I shared my thought process: "I made this call based on their previous experience with similar architectures and their current sprint capacity. I also considered our delivery timeline and complexity factors." Then I added something crucial: "Your technical expertise is invaluable to our team, and I want to ensure you're getting opportunities that align with your growth trajectory."
The conversation shifted when I asked "How can we work together to ensure you're getting opportunities that align with your goals?" It's amazing how a simple question can transform a potential complaint into collaborative problem-solving.
Turning Insights into Action
To ensure this wasn't just talk, I laid out a concrete action plan during our conversation.
"Let me outline some specific steps I'd like us to implement together," I began, wanting to demonstrate my commitment to meaningful change rather than just management platitudes.
First, we discussed revamping our sprint planning. "Starting next week, we're implementing a more transparent project assignment framework. I'll create a shared doc tracking three key metrics for each major initiative: technical complexity, required domain expertise, and growth potential. This will give everyone visibility into how we make assignment decisions and helps identify growth opportunities proactively."
Next, we focused on leveraging technical expertise. "I'd like you to take the lead on our upcoming architecture review session. Your deep knowledge of our auth system would be invaluable. It's a perfect opportunity to showcase your expertise while staying closely connected to our core architectural decisions."
Finally, we discussed the engineer’s role in shaping our technical future. "Given your unique perspective spanning both our legacy systems and the new microservices architecture, would you help document our project assignment criteria? Your experience makes you ideally suited to define the expertise requirements for different types of initiatives."
I wrapped up by suggesting we track progress in our bi-weekly 1:1s. "This isn't a static plan," I emphasized. "Let's iterate on it based on what we learn and what you feel is working or needs adjustment."
Building Lasting Impact
This approach not only helped address the immediate situation but also created a template for handling similar scenarios across our engineering organization. It turned a potential point of friction into an opportunity for organizational improvement. When we approach these moments with both empathy and concrete action, we build not just better processes, but stronger, more cohesive cultures.
