Consider & Clarify

One of the hardest situations to navigate as a leader is conflict with a peer.  Reporting structure often serves as a default tiebreaker when conflict occurs between managers and directs, but there’s no obvious path when peers disagree.  Sometimes these dynamics are escalated by involving “higher ups.” But even if issues are resolved this way, peers are left with a heightened sense of mistrust of one another.  More often than not, difficult dynamics are left unresolved, with peers avoiding addressing the conflict directly, and preferring to stay on good terms. While this maintains peace in the short-term, it leads to a build-up of resentment and dishonesty in the long run, in addition to stalling progress.  

Conflict is resolved effectively by creating mutual understanding.  This means that each person involved in the conflict must be equally interested in both considering their peer’s perspective and clarifying their own. 

Considering another perspective means listening without judgment and resisting the temptation to fix, change, or discount it.    It means believing that our peer’s experience is valid and understandable, even when it’s in direct conflict with our own.  

Clarifying our own perspective means finding solid ground to stand on - be it data, core values, or conviction - so that we are unwavering in our point of view.  When this is missing, our self-doubt shows up as defensiveness. Clarifying our perspective also means knowing and stating what we need in addition to expressing how we feel; it orients us toward resolution rather than escalation. 

In conflict, there’s always an option to consider and clarify.